The Day of Rebecca

The Day of Rebecca, or Dear Sister Without the Sister, is a play I wrote for myself and the other kids in the neighborhood to act out. I let each of them choose their own names and distinguishing characteristics about themselves. I was Rebecca, Brian was Jack, Rachel was Jessica, but I can’t remember who the other two were. Probably Paige and Aimee. I imagine this takes place in the same fictional Oregon town as Dear Sister and Jimmy Dearest. They have the same police force at any rate.

The Day of Rebecca
Written summer 1996
Age 12

Characters: Jack, Rachel, Rebecca, Elizabeth, Jessica. [Yes, I snickered to myself that two of the girls who had never read Sweet Valley chose the names Elizabeth and Jessica.]

Act 1, Scene 1

(Before school)

Rebecca: Where have you been, Jessica? I’ve been waiting here forever.
Jessica: I’ve been out on a date with Aaron.
Rebecca: All night? I think I’m going to be hearing about this for a long time.
Jessica: Your thoughts are correct. [This is a little risqué for girls 12 and 11 years old.]
Jack: (walking up) Hi guys.
Jessica & Rebecca: Hi Jacki.
Jack: Don’t call me Jacki! I’m better than everyone. My smile brightens everybody’s day wherever I go. [Haven’t we heard this before?]
Rebecca: Not mine.
Jack: I’ll choose to do you a faver, Rebecca, and forget that you ever said that to me.
Rebecca: Oh give me a break. (Jessica starts giggling and Elizabeth walks up)
Elizabeth: (with a big smile on her face) Hello, everybody, guess where I just came from?
Jessica & Jack: Where?
Elizabeth: I just got done helping at the homeless shelter.
Rebecca: At eight in the morning? (Jessica giggles)
Elizabeth: It was the breakfast rush.
Jessica: (Still giggling, Jack cracks a smile on his face but Rebecca still remains solemn.) Can you not just turn the perk down an itty bitty bit?
Elizabeth: What’s a perk. (Jack and Jessica giggle)
Jack: You, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: I’m a perk? [Single most memorable moment of this literary work. I actually still quote this sometimes.]
Jessica: Yeah, you’re a perk.
Elizabeth: But what’s a perk?
Rebecca: A perk isn’t a what, it’s a thing. And that thing just happens to be your personality problems.
Elizabeth: I have personality problems. (Jack and Jessica start laughing) What’s so funny?
Jack: You, Elizabeth. You’re funny. Do I have to spell it out for you?
Elizabeth: I’m gonna tell my mommy what you said.
Jack: You are 14 year old. Do you really have to act like such a baby?
Elizabeth: I’m not a baby. I’m a big girl.
Jessica: You are not!
Elizabeth: I am too!
Jessica: Are not!
Elizabeth: Am too!
Jessica: Not!
Elizabeth: Too!
Rachel: (walks up and steps between them) Will you two stop arguing like little babies?
Jessica: What are you doing here, Rachel?
Rachel: I have every right to be here!
Rebecca: (still frowning) You do not.
Rachel: I do too!
Rebecca: No, you don’t. It’s not your property. It’s Jessica’s, Rachel. [Probably Jessica’s parents.]
Rachel: Well, if you don’t stop criticizing me, I’ll tell my mom.
Rebecca: No, I’m not. If I were criticizing you I would have insulted you. And informing you of state law does not qualify for criticizing you, so stop wrongly accusing me, okay.
Jack: Hah, that’s what you get for poking your big nose into other peoples business. And now I’d like to know if we could all peacefully attend school together?
Elizabeth: My thoughts exactly.
Jessica: We’re off to go to school, with horrible, terrible Rachel. [I’m thinking Paige was Rachel. We were kind of mean to Paige. Which leaves Aimee as Elizabeth.]

Act 2, Scene 1

(After school)

Rebecca: (looking at the sky) Do you want to go to the mall, Jess?
Jessica: Okay. Why not?
Rebecca: Why not, indeed. (They take a taxi over, and it waits)

Act 2, Scene 2
(At the mall)

Rebecca: (Looking at a pair of trendy kind of boots with a wry smile on her face) Don’t you just love those boots, Jessica?

[Which back in 1996, might've looked something like these...]

Jessica: (looking mad) I saw them first, so stop drooling over them, and look at something you can afford. [Nice one.]
Rebecca: (sarcastically) But with them, I’ll be as popular as you.
Jessica: (Angrily) No you will not. No one--and I reapeat--no one will ever be as popular as me.
Rebecca: Oh, really? And how’s that?
Jessica: Because I’m too perfect for words, while ther not? [A little conceited, aren’t we, Jess? I wonder who I modeled you after…]
Rebecca: Haven’t you ever heard of sarcasm? (Jessica looks at her strangely) And besides, how can you be so sure that you’re so wonderful and perfect that no one will ever be better?
Jessica: What do you mean?
Rebecca: I’m just saying that you can’t garantee that you’ll be perfect and popular forever. On day you’ll grow old and ugly, Jessica. Maybe. [Yay! I finally spelled maybe right!]
Jessica: Just what are you getting at?
Rebecca: Absolutely nothing.
Jessica: Why don’t I believe you?
Rebecca: Just what are you getting at, Jessica?
Jessica: Absolutely nothing.
Rebecca: Then why don’t I believe you?
Jessica: Let’s just stop arguing like babies. This is really getting rediculous, Rebecca. We should really act our 14 years of age.
Rebecca: You say really too much. And besides, what’s getting rediculous?
Jessica: Will you stop acting like an airhead?
Rebecca: Depends.
Jessica: On what?
Rebecca: (smiles) Do you mind telling me what an airhead is?
Jessica: Stop it, Rebecca. You’re getting on my nerves.
Rebecca: Why?
Jessica: Forget it then! (she walks off stage)
Rebecca: Jessica, get back here!
Jessica: No!
Rebecca: How am I gonna get to the soccer game?
Jessica: Walk!
Rebecca: Fine. I’ll walk.

Act 3, Scene 1

(on the bleachers at the soccer game)

Rachel: Jack! Jack! He’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can!
Elizabeth: You can do it Jessica! [I guess they’re on a co-ed soccer team?]
Rebecca: Jack! Jack! She’s our girl, if she can do it, I will barf. [You know, hurl would’ve worked so much better there.]
Jack: [In the middle of the game] (sarcastically) Thanks for your support, Becky!
Rebecca: (standing up) No one calls me Becky and gets away with it!
Jack: (Smiling) I’ll call you whatever I want, Rebecca! I’m better than everyone. Especially little schoolgirls like you!
Rebecca: That’s it. (She goes over and punches him in the stomack. He doubles over and falls to the ground) [It was originally balls but I think I changed it because we were acting this out and I didn’t actually want to hurt Brian.] I am no little schoolgirl.

Act 4, Scene 1

(In Rebecca’s kitchen)

Jessica: I can’t believe you did that to poor Jack.
Rebecca: Why not? Wouldn’t you have done the same thing?
Jessica: No.
Rebecca: Why not?
Jessica: Because it’s a mean thing to do, Rebecca. Real mean.
Rebecca: This is Jack we’re talking about. No Mother Teresa. In other words, we don’t--and I repeat--don’t have to be nice to him. [WHY do these people hang out together? They‘re clearly NOT friends.]
Jessica: I’m getting tired of this, Rebecca.
Rebecca: They why don’t we go for a walk. [Oh noes! We know what happens when girls go for walks in my stories.]
Jessica: Sure. It’s better than arguing with you.
Rebecca; (getting up) I’m gonna tell my parents I’m in my room. [Yes, tell her about your alibi.]
Jessica: Why?
Rebecca: I’m grounded for the Jack thing, They don’t even know that you’re here, Jessica. [They must be deaf if they didn’t hear that argument.] (She leaves for a moment, then comes back.)
Jessica: So we’re we going?
Rebecca: How about the ridge? [I smell murder. And a reused plot device.]
Jessica: That sounds simply divine.

Act 5

(At the ridge)

Jessica: It’s nice up here, isn’t it?
Rebecca: No. It’s deadly.
Jessica: Rebecca, what do you mean?
Rebecca: Look at you. You’ve always been popular at school. I’m sick of it. Everyone’s always adored you more than anything. It’s always made me sick that you’re always happy. But with you dead, you won’t be happy. And niether will anybody else. Anybody but me that is. I’ll be happy. [At least it’s a slightly less generic motive than Andy and Izzy’s in Dear Sister]
Jessica: I don’t get it.
Rebecca: I’m gonna kill you, Jessica. Today is the day of Rebecca. [Title!] Say goodbye to the cruel world. [I was fond of this phrase, wasn’t I?]
Jessica: I thought we were friends.
Rebecca: Well you thought wrong. Because we’re not, and we never were. Goodbye, Jessica. (She pushes her.)
Jessica: Nooooo. . . . . .

Act 6, Scene 1

(At Jessica’s funeral)

Elizabeth: I can’t believe she’s gone.
Rachel: I know. To think just 3 days ago, she was here.
Jack: It’s [letters blotted out with drop of liquid and I can‘t figure out what it was supposed to be]age, isn’t it. It looks like Rebecca’s taking it the hardest. Look at her over there all by herself.
Rachel: Yeah.
Elizabeth: You know what, you two.
Jack & Rachel: What?
Elizabeth: When I save the whales, I’m gonna dedicate it to Jessica, The greates person I’ve ever known. [Gag]

* * * * *

It was fun when we acted it out. I think a lot of those kids parents thought I was seriously disturbed. I know there were a few periods of time when Paige and Aimee at least weren’t allowed to play with me. Anyway, next time: My incredibly long epic, The Enemy Within, in which I kill the same character twice!

An Untitled, Unfinished Play, Once More

There’s a story behind this one. When I was tenish-elevenish, me and my friends would cut body parts out of magazines and glue them together to form one complete disproportioned person. They were kind of cool looking. I know of one that survived in one of my notebooks, but, alas, that particular notebook is currently in storage. But to give you an idea of what these looked like I made one real quick. ^_^




Amanda and I took this to another level. We glued our body parts together on notebook paper and cut them out and glued them to this weird blue Styrofoam we found in the garage. (We had a crap load of this stuff and I never knew where it came from. But things often appeared and disappeared in the garage of the magical house on Christian Circle, like the front tire to my bike… I still think we had gnomes living among us.) We cut the Styrofoam around the shape of their bodies, gave them all names, and used them as dolls. And this play is based on those dolls. Sadly, the dolls are long gone…

Scene 1 (walking to school)

D.J.: Today’s our first Day of school here.
Diedre: I know.
D.J.: I’m so nervous.
Diedre: Why?
D.J.: I don’t know. I just get the feeling that we are definitely not going to fit in here. I mean this is sunny California. We’re New York girls. [Note: Sweet Valley influence. Every young adult series should take place in California. *nods*]
Diedre: It’s going to be so weird here.
D.J.: Well at least now mom will give us some space and let us live our own lives.
Diedre: Well, we’re here. Ready.
D.J.: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Diedre: Good. Lets go.

Scene 2 (at receptionists desk)

D.J.: We’re here to get our new schedules.
Receptionist: Diedre and Dana-Jane Johnson, right
D.J.: D.J. please.
Receptionist: OK, D.J. Here are your schedules.
Diedre: Thank you.
D.J.: She’s shy.
Receptionist: Have a good day.
(they walk away and bump into April Mulch)
April: Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you. New here?
D.J.: Yeah.
Diedre: I’m going to class now.
April: Whose that?
D.J.: That’s my older sister Diedre.
April: My name is April Mulch.
D.J.: Nice to meet you April.
April: Pleasure.
D.J.: My name’s D.J. Johnson.
April: what class do you have next?
(she looks at her schedule)
D.J.: Science.
April: So do I. Right now we’re working on a project. I don’t have a partner, so you can be mine. [How convenient…] Do you know anyone around here.
D.J.: No.
April: I can introduce you to my friends.
D.J.: That’s nice.
April: Come on.
(they go to science class)
April: D.J., this is Mrs. Deroyer. [Like Destroyer, only minus the S and T. Get it? You get it!]
Deroyer: Hi. You must be Dana-Jane Johnson. [And yes, Mrs. Deroyer did have a doll. She was really ugly, too, if memory serves correct.]
D.J.: D.J.
Deroyer: Whatever. Take a seat next to Courtney.
April: Mrs. Deroyer, you can’t make her sit there.
Deroyer: And why not?
April: That’s Courtney Bloome. The Courtney Bloome.
Deroyer: Have a Seat Ms. Mulch. You too Ms. Johnson.
(they have a seat)
Deroyer: All right I’m going to call role now, Alex. [Only so I could have the chance to write down all the characters names.]
Alex: Here.
Deroyer: Dana.
Dana: Here.
Deroyer: Courtney.
Courtney: Do we have to do this every stupid day of our mortal lives.
Deroyer: Courtney, hush.
Courtney: Hymph.
Deroyer: Sarah.
Sarah: Here.
Deroyer: Courtney, why can’t you behave more like your sister.
Courtney: Frankly because I’m not my sister. I’m sixteen years old. I think I can live my own life.
Sarah: Courtney, I’m sixteen too. [Obviously, they’re twins. And so you know, they were blond…]
Courtney: Yeah, whatever.
Deroyer: Can we move on pleas. Travis.
Travis: Here.
Deroyer: Emily.
Emily: Here.
Deroyer: Mark.
Mark: Here.
Deroyer: April.
April: Here.
Deroyer: Donahue. [Who names their kid Donahue?]
Donahue: Here.
Deroyer: James.
James: Here.
Deroyer: Andy.
Andy: Here.
Deroyer: Katherine.
Katherine: Here.
Deroyer: Vinney.
Vinney: Here.
Deroyer: Todd. [Are you surprised? I’m not.]
Todd: Here.
Deroyer: Eric.
Eric: Here.
Deroyer: Vera.
Vera: Here.
Deroyer: Andrew.
Andrew: Here.
Deroyer: Liza.
Lizzy: Here. [Liza or Lizzy? No one knows.]
Deroyer: Glenda.
Glenda: Here.
Deroyer: And class we have a knew student with us today. D.J. Johnson. Everyone, say hi.
Class: Hi D.J.
D.J.: Hi.
Deroyer: D.J., why don’t you come up here and tell us a little about yourself. [Because nothing makes you feel more at ease than standing in a room full of strangers and thinking of a way to make yourself sound cool.]
(she gets up and goes to the front of the class)
D.J.: Well there isn’t that much to tell. I’m from New York.
Someone: Oooooo. New York! [I went through the role call for the entire class and couldn’t be bothered to pick a name for this douche bag?]
D.J.: Yeah New York. My parents are divorce. I live with my mom. I have a sister named Diedre. She’s a sienior. And that’s about it.
(she goes to take a seat)
Deroyer: OK. Kids. Get to your science progects.
(April raises her hand)
Deroyer: Yes April.
April: D.J.”s gonna be in my group.
Deroyer: That’s nice. Get to work. [Isn’t she a caring teacher. I think she was modeled off of Mrs. Cranberry. More on her later, as I don’t think she actually appears in any written stories.]
(April stands up and goes over to D.J.’s desk.)
D.J.: What are we working on
April: Making a game having to deal with the biomes. The tundra, tiaga, temperete diciduos forest, Grassland, tropical rain forest, and desert. You familiar with them. [Gee, I wonder what I was working on in school at the time…]
D.J.: Yeah I’m familiar with them. What are the basic things I need to know around here? [Fuck the project. What’s the social latter looking like?]
April: Stay away from Courtney.
D.J.: That Courtney.
April: Yeah Courtney Bloome. She’s a troublemaker. Wherever she can find it. See that girl over that.
D.J.: Yeah.
April: That’s here fraternal twin Sarah. She’s pretty nice. The complete opposite of Courtney. Courtney’s party is Emily Griffith. Stay away from here too.
D.J.: Why?
April: That’s Courtney’s best friend. Right now She’s going out with my brother Johnathan.
D.J.: Yikes. [Anyone else remember those pencils? They were awesome.]
April: Tell me about it. It has got to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. [There will be worse, April, promise.]
D.J.: How does your mom treat you. [Is that any of your effing business?]
April: Ok, I guess. Why?
D.J.: My mom is so overprotective. Especially with me.
April: That oughta suck.
D.J.: I hate it.
April: Tell me about New York.
D.J.: It’s just Basically any normal New England Town. [Balls!] It just has a lot more pollution, Acid rain, crime, and other stuff like that. [Sure we’re not talking about L.A.?] I mean I’ve lived in Albany, Manhatten, Brooklyn, Long Island, and New York City.
April: Whoa, you lived all over New York.
D.J. Yep. I have. How about you?
April: Well my brother was born in Omaha Nerbraska, and I was born in Keansburg New Jersey. I only lived there till I was five, then I moved here. [I’m wondering what brought them from Nebraska to Keansburg of all places. Drug trafficking, maybe?]
D.J.: I am so glad that it is May, and I wont be here that long untill next year.
April: Why did you move so late in the year anyways?
D.J.: I don’t know, my moms an idiot.
April: Mabey she should meet my mom. She’s an idiot too. What’s your next class. No, let me guess. Math.
D.J.: How did you know?
April: That’s my next class too.
D.J.: I guess we’re destined to be friends. [blech]
April: Yeah. Hey listen. Mr. Ace is the Math teacher, and he always gives a lot of homework that you can barely understand. [Sounds like my Algebra 2/Trig teacher.] So why don’t you come over my house tonight and I’ll help you.
D.J.: Sure. But I have to tell my mom where I’m going or she’ll have a cow.
April: Moms are that way.
D.J.: I wish mine wasn’t. She sucks. I hate her so much some times.
April: You don’t mean that.
D.J.: Your right, I don’t.
(the bell rings)
Deroyer: All right class I’ll see you tomorrow.
April: What’s your locker number.
D.J.: 448.
April: I have 434.
D.J.: Great.
Someone: Hey April
(They turned around)
April: Hi Emily.
Emily: Whose your little friend, April?
April: D.J.
D.J.: Hi.
Emily: Hi. Listen, April, I just happen to like your brother. And he just happens to like Me. [That kinda came out of nowhere…]
April: Emily, go away.
(Nancy walks up)
Nancy: Hi April, hi Emily.
Emily: Go to hell Nancy. [What?]
(Emily walks off)
Nancy: Emily has such a temper sometimes. And no one even does anything to her.
April: That’s for damn sure..
Nancy: Well I have to go. I have to meat my friend Sydney. Bye.
D.J.: She’s nice. [She just completely ignored you!]
April: It’s still just too hard to believe that that’s Emily Griffith’s sister. There’s not even a slight family resemblance in their looks. [I think one of the dolls was white, and the other was Hispanic…]
D.J.: Your right.
April: I know I’m right. I’m always right. [Maybe this is why she didn’t have a partner.]
D.J.: Hmmmm.

Scene 3 (In math class)

Mr. Ace: Dana-Jane Johnson, right? [No, Mr. Ace did not have a doll, but I realized I needed more than one teacher.]
D.J.: D.J.
Mr. Ace: Yes, very well. Take a seat right over there next to Sarah.
D.J. Ok.
(She walks over to the desk.)
Sarah: Hi, I’m Sarah Bloome.
D.J.: Hi.
Sarah: Your D.J. right.
D.J.: Yeah.
Sarah: How was life in New Hork?
D.J.: It was Ok.
Sarah: Was it boring?
D.J.: Sometimes.
Sarah: Except for my sister Courtney, I have absolutely no life.
D.J.: Courtney’s your sister. [April fricken told you that!]
Sarah: Unfortunatly. She is such a little witch. I hate her so much sometimes. [Gee these people have such pent up aggression towards their family members. Makes you wonder if the author was trying to say something…]
D.J.: I haven’t met her yet.
Sarah: You’d hate her. You seem like a nice girl, and believe me Courtney’s a witch. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
D.J.: One. My sister Diedre. She’s a senior. Do you have any besides Courtney.
Sarah: Yeah, my brother whose at College. [With a capital “C”]
D.J.: I don’t have any brothers.
Sarah: Lucky.
D.J.: Yeah I guess I am.

Scene 4 (lunch)

(D.J. is looking for Diedre in Cafeteria)
D.J.: There you are I’ve been looking all over for you.
Diedre: How was your day so far.
D.J.: Pretty good. I’ve made two friends, and I can tell all my teachers hate me except Mr. Ace.
Diedre: Who are your friends.
D.J.: That girl we ran into in the hall. Her name is April Mulch, and my other friend is Sarah Bloom.
Diedre: That’s nice, I have two knew friends too. Their names are Nancy Griffith and Sydney Markus.
D.J.: That’s nice.
(April approaches the table)
April: Hi again
D.J.: April, sit down.
April: Ok.
Diedre: Hi, I’m Diedre Johnson. [The weird girl who just kind of ditched you guys in the hall.]
April: April Mulch. Pleasure to meet you. Again.
Diedre: Yeah, whatever.
D.J.: Whose that guy over there.
April: That’s my brothe Johnathan. Hey Johny boy, get over here.
(He walks over) [Because he‘s so not embarrassed by being called “Johny Boy“ in the middle of a crowded high school lunch room]
Johnathan: Hey Ape. [Niiiiiice]
April: April!
Johnathan: Whatever. Anyway, why’d you call me over? I was having a good time.
April: How can anyone have a good time with Emily Griffith.
Johny: Shut up April.
April: Make me.
John: I said shut up. [Oh to be a fly on the wall in their house…]
April: I said shut up. Well anyway. This is my friend D.J., and this is her sister Diedre.
John: Correct me if I’m wrong, but your in my third period physics class. [John so needs to be shot for using that line.]
Diedre: Yep.
John: See ya at home April
April: Bye, Johnny Boy.
(then he walks off)
April: What the hell does he see in Emily?
D.J.: I don’t know.
Diedre: Neither do I.
D.J.: April.
April: Yeah.
D.J.: You know Sarah Bloome.
April: Yeah. Who doesn’t?
D.J.: No, I mean, really know her. Like good friends.
April: Yeah, she’s one of my best friends.
D.J.: She’s Courtney’s sister. Is it safe to hang out around her and her crowd. [I feel like we’ve gone over this already.]
April: Yeah. She’s perfectly safe. The complete oposite of Courtney. I told you that before. [Nice to know it’s only D.J. who suffers from short term memory loss.]
D.J.: Yeah. I know. I was just double check. I mean, Courtey doesn’t really seem that bad. But from what you have told me she is. [She told you nothing but she gets into trouble.]
April: That’s the understatement of the year. [Me and Amanda used this line A LOT]
D.J.: I guess, but then again, I am knew around here.
April: I know. Everybody Does.
Diedre: My guess is that there are a lot of gossips around here. [How observant.]
April: You bet.
Diedre: I thought so.
April: Well I gotta go. Bye.
(she leaves)
Diedre: Nice Girl. [It sounded like you were insulting her a minute ago.]
D.J.: Yeah. I know.

Scene 5 (Going home that afternoon)

D.J.: I’m home mom.
(Kimmy comes in the living room.
Kimmy: Hello D.J. How was your day at school.? [MS Works doesn’t recognize Kimmy as a word, FYI.]
D.J.: Ok.
Kimmy: Where’s Diedre?
D.J.: Doing her college aplication at school.
Kimmy: Good for her. So tell me how your day went.
D.J.: I have made two knew friends. They’re in most of my classes. And they’re really nice.
Kimmy: That’s good.
D.J.: Yeah, well I’m going over April’s house.
Kimmy: Whose April? [D.J.’s April!]
D.J.: My friend. April Mulch.
Kimmy: Be home before six.
D.J.: Mom! I am sixteen years old. A this isn’t New York. [I never had a curfew. I only knew of these things through books and my friends. Like I had one friend who when we were little had to “check in” with her parents by calling them every hour on the hour. I thought her parents were retarded, or maybe that they thought she was retarded.]
Kimmy: I said be home before six, you lady. And be home before six you will. Or you are grounded.
D.J.: But.
Kimmy: No buts about it.
(Then she leaves the room)
D.J.: I hate her sometimes.
(the doorbell rings)
D.J.: Coming!
(She opened the door)
D.J.: Hi April.
April: Hi D.J.
D.J.: come on in. I have to be home by six.
April: Why?
D.J.: Because of my stupid mother.
April: Well come on. We’ll deal with the harder stuff first.
D.J.: Ok. Mom, I’m leaving now!
Kimmy: Have a good time!
D.J.: I will.
(they leave)

April: Come on in.
(they walk in)
Johnny: HI April. Hi D.J.
Emily: Hi.
Courtney: Pleasure.
April: Hi John, Emily, Courtney.
D.J.: Hi.
April: We’re going up now to do our homework. And when will mom and dad be home.
John: Monday would be my guess. [Where are they?]
April: Just another magic Monday. [Yeah. For years I totally thought the song Manic Monday was Magic Monday.]
John: See ya guys later.
(they go upstairs)
D.J.: Lucky you.
April: What do you mean?
D.J.: My mom still thinks I need a babysitter.
April: God, that is bad.
D.J.: Tell me about it. I hate her so much. I have to be home by six “o” clock, or she’ll ground me. I mean, I understand this in New York. But we’re not in New York anymore.
April: hmmmm.
D.J.: It sucks.
April: That’d be my guess.
D.J.: So what should we do first?
April: Math.
D.J.: Why?
April: Mr. Ace gives the hardest work out of the entire junior class.
D.J.: Great. And aparently he’s the only one of my teachers that likes me.
April: Poor you.
D.J.: I know. It’s horrible.
April: You know what.
D.J.: What?
April: You’re not alone.
D.J.: What do you mean?
April: I mean the teachers usually hate everyone of they’re students. [If you followed that sentence you’re a special kind of person like me. ^_-] It’s not common when they actually liked one. But in your case, I’d watch out. Mr. Ace is one weird teacher. [Oooh. Weird in a teacher-who-has-sex-with-his-students kind of way? This play just got interesting.]
D.J.: Tell me about it. I can’t wait until we get out of school next month.
April: Why exactly did you move so late in the year?
D.J.: My mom is stupid. We were supposed to move here this summer. But she moved us here as soon as she could.
April: That sucks.
D.J.: I know. Believe me I know.

Scene 6 (Downstairs)

Courtney: Your sister is such a stupid little--
Jon: Not all the time.
Emily: Since when do you defend April?
Courtney: And since when do you interupt me?
Jon: Sorry slut. [Burn!]
Courtney: Don’t call me a slut!
Emily: Shut up, you two!
Courtney & Jon: No!
Emily: Well, can you at least stop arguing. Please.
Jon: Fine.
Courtney: Whatever.
Emily: Let’s just act civilized and watch T.V.
Jon: Alright. It’s fine with me.
Courtney: Hmmm.

Yay! It’s over! That was kind of lame. About this time I decided to stop writing this happy school crap and write horror stories [Dear Sister and The Tie That Binds were only experiments], which led to The Epilogue that Never Was, Berkeley Manor, and Jimmy Dearest. I promise gory death.

The Unfinished Plays of an Underrated Playwright

I'm daring to be different and posting two days in a row. Today we have two very short unnamed and unfinished plays that went absolutely nowhere and I have no memory of writing. Yeah! Sounds like fun. Both were written in sixth grade back in 1996.

Scene 1

Carlos: So what do you guys want to do?
Heather: I dono. Anybody got ideas.
Josie: I’ve gotta idea!
Alex: Josie, your ideas are always trouble.
Becky: Yeah!
Josie: Oh, please.
Dean: I know!
Jim: So what are we gonna do Ducky. [Who the hell is Ducky?]
Becky: Yeah! [And Becky only seems to know one word.]
Jim: Come to my house and I’ll explain everything.

Scene 2 (school)

Josie: How do I look!
Heather: Like a hooker.
Josie: Very funny. Why are you in such a good mood.
Heather: Dean asked me out.
Josie: No kidding. What did ya say.
Heather: I said yes.
(Marc sneaks up behind them)
Marc: Were you lovely ladies talking about me?
Heather: Mark [yes, it‘s spelled different from one line above], you are just so concieded.
Marc: How can I help it with looks as good as min. So Josie, want to go with me to the dance tomorrow night?
Josie: Sure. I have nothing better to do.
Marc: Funny.
(Mark leaves)
Heather: How can you even stand to be near him.
Josie: Why can’t you ever ask me something hard, he has a Jauguire, how can I resist.
Becky: Hi guys. [Guess she was just standing there the whole time waiting for them to notice her… And she didn‘t say Yeah!]
Heather: Hi Becky. Are you going to the dance tomorrow night?
Becky: Yeah. [knew it was coming] How bout you?
Heather: I’m going with Dean.
Josie: Can’t you guys ever talk about anything important.
Heather: Can’t you ever shut up?
Becky: Yeah! [I’m starting to wonder if I did that on purpose…] Can you?
Heather: I guess not.
Becky: Yeah! […]
Josie: You two are just so immature.
Alex: Look who’s talking [where did he come from?]
Josie: Ha ha ha! Very funny.
Alex: I know. Want to go with me to the dance.
Josie: Sorry, but I’m taken.
Alex: By who?
Heather: Mark.
Alex: Your going with Mark instead of me.
Josie: Yeah! What’s it to you!
Alex: Well, that’s just fine with me because I’m taking Raquel.
Josie: Yeah right, I’m going to class.
(Josie leaves)
Alex: I hate her.
Becky: Then why did you ask her out?
Alex: I just felt like it.
Heather: Are you really going with Raquel?
Alex: Of course. Why would I lie? [Because you just asked Josie, maybe?]
Becky: Because your just a lying pig. [Seems like Becky‘s done a 180.]
Heather: That’s him all right.
Becky: I’m going with Jim.
Heather: He asked you.
Becky: Actually I asked him.
Alex: Wonderful.
Heather: Can you mind your own business.
Becky: No he can’t. He’s just like Josie, the queen of gossip. [What happened to Yeah!, Becky. What happened to the girl I was just getting to know?]
(Josie comes back)
Josie: I forgot something.
Becky: Josie, why are you going out with Mark.
Josie: Because I feel like it.
Heather: Well I don’t wanna be late, I’m gion ta class.
Becky: Heather, wait for me!
Alex: Well Josie, I guess it’s just you and me by the lockers. Wanna make out?
Josie: Get out of my face you pig.

Scene 3

Alex: Hey Raquel, wanna go with me to the dance.
Raquel: Sure!
Josie I

* * * * *

That’s it. Who was Ducky? What did Jim explain at his house? Sadly, we’ll never know.

This next one’s about the same length.

* * * * *

Act 1

Roxanne: I have the perfect place to go.
Vincent: Where Rox?
Roxanne: Shave White. [I feel the need to explain this. In In Living Color, in several of their skits they referred to a fancy restaurant called Che White, which at 11 I had no idea how to spell. If you hadn’t guessed, In Living Color was a huge influence on my young life.]
Vincent: Where the hell is that? [Unnecessary swearing! w00t!]
Roxanne; About ten miles south of here.
Vincent: I don’t know if you noticed this Rox, but we are in the middle of nowhere.
Roxanne: We go that way. [I can only assume she’s pointing somewhere.]
Vincent: Great! Let’s go.

Act 2

Valerie: Hello everyone.
George: Why if it isn’t my little Valerie.
Valerie: Hi daddy. Did you miss me?
George: Of course my dear.
Valerie: Where’s Holly?
George: She’s with Mayor Davis. You know, Sherriff Drake has been asking about you. [I’m guessing this is supposed to take place in the old west. Its’ sort of coming back to me. Vincent and Roxanne were the villains. Very unusual for me, though it sort of makes it more interesting imagining the lines being spoken with a southern drawl.]
Valerie: He has?
George: Yes, he has.
Valerie: Well tell him, I’me not interested.
Evet: Hello Mr. Paxson. Who is your guest? [Evet=Yvette because 11-year-old me couldn’t spell.]
George: Hello Evet. I’d like you to meet my daughter Valerie. Valerie, this is our new maid Evet.
Valerie: Nice to meet you Evet.
Evet: Plessure.
George: Well Valerie, how was school?
Valerie: I loved it. We learne about thes two outlaws named Roxanne and Vincent Vanders. [I knew it was a fricken western…] Rumer has it they’re hiding in the area.
George: You don’t say.
Valerie: I do say. And they are dangerous.
George: Holly ought to be here any minute.
Holly: Val, you’re home!
Valerie: Holly, is that you?
Holly: Yup! It’s me!
Valerie: What happened to you?
Holly: Puberty! [You do NOT say that right in front of your father, Holly!]
Valerie: Oh. My little sister is growing up.
Holly: Val, I’ve missed you so much.
Valerie: Let’s go for a walk, for old times sake.
Holly: Kay.

Act 3

Liza: Valerie?
Valerie: Liza.
Liza: Val, your home. Holly, why didn’t you tell me Val was coming home
Holly: Strangely enough, I didn’t know.
Liza: Guess what I’ve heard.
Valerie: What?
Liza: It’s about you.
Holly: What about Val?
Liza: Just that--are you sure you want to know? [Seems I discovered the dash around this time.]
Holly: Just tell us already Liza!
Liza: Tell you what? [Liza needs to die a horrible death.]
Valerie: The News about me.
Liza: Ohh, that. It’s old news, shouldn’t you know it already.
Holly: Just tell Liza!
Liza: Fine! Well Tony Drake told me that Valerie--you will be his wife one way or a nother. And you know what he’s capable of.
Holly: I know it al to well.
Valerie: That is a dirty rotten lie!
Liza: It’s gossip. [Not if he told it to you directly, Liza.]
Valerie: Well you tell Mr. Sherriff, that he can beat me, stab me, shoot me, do anything he wants to me, but I, will never marry him!
Holly: Of course, you’ll be dead by them. [That line is made of win.]

Act 4

Tony: Hey Davis!
Alex: Oh, hi Tony.
Tony: Alex, Alex, Alex.
Alex: what?
Tony: We’ve been friends for a long time.
Alex: What?
Tony: What?
Alex: I’me [Clearly I thought I’m had an e at the end of it. That’s the second time it appears in this.] not doing you any favors.
Tony: Who said I wanted you to do me a favor.
Alex: I know you Tony. Whenever you want something, you start sucking up to me like an idiot. So let’s just skip through all that and you tell me what you want, so I can just say no quickly, so we don’t have to go throug this ordeal.
Tony: Well, your girlfriend Holly Paxson--
Alex: No!
Tony: What?
Alex: I’m not involving Holly.

* * * * *

That‘s it. And it was going so well, too! I actually want to read more. *sad face* All I remember about his one is Tony (the Sheriff) wanted Alex (the Mayor) to help him get Valerie. How the Vanders played into it I have no idea. I’m thinking they held up the saloon or something and Tony saved the day, making Valerie see his worth. Alas, we will never know.

Next time: A little boy obsessed with his father’s nurse is determined to make her his and a girl falls to her death.