Tony: My life sucks. I'm poor, my dad's an alcoholic, and my best friend died last year. But I had nothing to do with it. I swear.
Shannon: Shut up. I'm gorgeous.
Lisa: Hey guys! You'll never guess what I just heard. Ellen's coming to visit! Nevermind the fact that I hardly knew her, but I'm super excited!
Meg: Let's throw her a party! A surprise party.
DUN DUN DUN!
----
Meg: Look at the cool invitations I got for the party.
Shannon: I don't think we should have a party.
Meg: But why?
Shannon: Oh, I don't know. My brother's dead and her parents decided to move her out of town. It just seems fishy somehow.
Meg: But why? Oh no! Someone cut up my invitations! Now I'm definitely going to have this party no matter what!
----
Tony: I've been getting threatening phone calls. I don't think you should have the party.
Meg: But being in danger gets me all hot.
Tony: You're a freak! I'm breaking up with you!
Meg: Surprisingly I'm really not that upset considering we've been together two years.
----
Dwayne: Hey Shannon, wanna get freaky with me.
Shannon: Eww.
Dwayne: She will be mine one day. I swear it.
----
Meg: (Calls Ellen) Hi Ellen.
Ellen: Hi Meg. Long time no see. Sooo....
Meg: Sooo....
Ellen: You and Tony still together?
Meg: Um...yeah?
Ellen: Lucky you. Bye.
----
Meg: (gets red paint put in her lunchbag. It looks like BLOOOOOOD) I'm still having this party.
Meg: (almost gets run over) I am sooooooo having this party.
----
Shannon: My cousin Mike who looks just like Evan is coming to visit in time for the party.
Meg: How convenient!
----
Brian: I'm Meg's weird cousin and I like to play Dungeons and Drag--I mean, Wizards and Dragons in the Fear Street woods. And one day I'm going to be a fourth level wizard and rule the world! Mwahahahah!
Tony: Sounds like a plan. I'll join you.
Brian: (shifty eyes)
----
Tony's Drunk Dad: Tony's missing. He went with Brian to play that weird game.
Meg: Oh no! I must go after them!
----
Evil Voice: Don't have the party for Ellen. (Pushes Meg down a ravine)
Meg: Oh I'm going to have this party, Mr. The best party you've ever seen.
Tony: Meg, you shouldn't have the party.
Meg's Dad: Get's your greasy hands off my daughter.
----
Dwayne: I'm so glad Evan's dead. Now he won't stand between mine and Shannon's true love.
Tony: DUDE! Not cool. Evan was my best friend!
Dwayne: Pussy.
----
Meg: You look like shit.
Brian: I'm a wizard. And I'm going to bring Evan back from the otherside.
Meg: Eh, this is Shadyside. Anything is possible I guess. But I think I'll be leaving.
----
Meg: Hey Ellen.
Ellen: Hey.
Shannon: So...
Meg: Remember that game we used to play, Eeek a Mouse!
Ellen: Yeah....
Shannon: This isn't awkward at all.
----
Meg: I talked to Brian.
Tony: You did. Let's go talk about it alone at the cliff. Where I can kill you without being seen.
Meg: What was that?
Tony: I mean, let me hold you until I smother you, or shoot you. Or...just forget it and come to the cliff with me.
Meg: Okey-Dokey!
----
Everyone: SURPRISE!!!!
Ellen: Oh dear God no.
Brian: I've become a fourth level wizard and with my newly acquired power I've brought Evan back from the dead.
Mike: Yo. I'm Evan.
Tony: You're not Evan! He's dead! I killed him.
DUN DUN DUN!!!!
Everyone: (STARES)
Tony: Oh shit.
(Everything goes dark. Tony gets shot. And Ellen and Meg are taken hostage by Dwayne)
Meg: Why did you take us hostage?
Dwayne: Because I killed Evan.
Meg: That makes zero sense whatsoever. What really happened that day?
Ellen: Tony and I were screwing around behind yours and Evan's backs. Sorry. Evan found out and went off into the woods with a hunting rifle. Me and Tony went after him. They fought for the gun. It went off. Evan died. Brian saw it happen too. Tony made us swear to never tell anyone.
Dwayne: Mwahahahahahah! Evan wasn't dead. He just hit his head. So I went and took the gun and shot him.
Ellen: You bastard!
Meg: But why?
Dwayne: Because I want to have sex with his hot leggy redheaded sister.
Meg: That's your motive? Seriously? You couldn't just rape her like all the other psychos out there like you.
Dwayne: There's no rape in Shadyside. Only murder.
Ellen: You suck as a villain.
Meg: Now we have to get out of this mess. Hey, Ellen, remember that game, Eek a Mouse.
Ellen: What does that have to do with our current hostage situation?
Meg: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dwayne: Stop it. You're scaring me.
Ellen: Oh, I get it. Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeek! Eeeeeek Eeeeek!!
Dwayne: Ahhhhhh! (Gets hit in head with frying pan. Cops come and take him away).
----
Tony: (Gets dragged off to mental instution) I killed my best friend.
Mike: Hey, you're pretty cute.
Meg: (Smiles as ex-boyfriend gets dragged away) So are you.
Shannon: My brother's still dead.
