Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Enemy Within, Part 1

I've been working on Allistar Academy ALL DAY and I'm still nowhere near where I want to be with stupid chapter eight. So I'm going to post the first part of my craptastic epic, The Enemy Within, for your reading torture so I feel accomplished at something.

Alright, we’re officially into seventh grade now, in which I was OBSESSED with Christopher Pike and Fear Street. I was listening to Hole, Stabbing Westward, and the Offspring. And I had an unhealthy addiction to Melrose Place. Most of this was written in my beyond horrible Study Skills class, in which I learned only to fake taking notes and paying attention.

The Enemy Within
Written December 1996-April 1997
Age 12

Part 1: THE CROSS 1866 1666 1667 1900 1899 [I just couldn’t make up my mind what year it should take place]

Chapter 1: The gateway

“Wow,” Lauren said staring at the swirling gateway. [Think Sliders.] “Hey Gracie,” she said. “Come over and check this out.”

“What is it?” Gracie asked in a horse whisper.

“I don’t know, but let’s go through it anyways.” [So she automatically knows it‘s some kind of gate to someplace but doesn‘t know where, and wants to go through it. The intelligence astounds. If it were me I‘d think it was a portal to hell, but hey, that‘s just me.] Lauren walked up to it as if she was going to go in, but she didn’t. “Well, Gracie, come on.”

“I don’t think we should go through. For all we know it could be something from the Government that wasn’t made to be played together with.” [I was a big one for government conspiracies.]

“I don’t care Gracie. This is the chance of a life time. Don’t you want to see what it does, where it goes to?”

“Well, yeah, but what about Holly Julie? The babysitters only going to be there for another half hour, and if I don’t get home by then she’s--” [Yeah, these girls are old enough to have children. Frightening.]

Lauren cut her off. “Well I’m going.” She paused. “With or without you! Make up your mind.” She started walking into it. [What? No description of how Lauren’s body is rapidly disappearing into the portal?]

How can I let her go in there by herself, Gracie thought. [Because she’s a bitch, Gracie. You're better off without her.] The two of them had been best friends since childhood. I just can’t let her do it. At least not by herself. “Lauren, wait!” Gracie ran up to Lauren. “I’m not going to let you do this all by yourself.”

“Are you sure?”


The two friends joined hands and walked through.

Where they were going they did not know. How they were getting there they also did not know. If they would be all right they did not know. How they were going to get back, no one could know for sure. . . . . . .

Chapter 2: The arrival

Gracie woke up to the voices of two children staring at her and Lauren. [Voices stare.] “What are you staring at,” she said to the two children.

“Your clothes,” one of the boys children said. “Where did you get clothes like that?”

Gracie looked down at her clothes. Disighner jeans and a silk blouse. [I wasn’t that into clothes, so the clothes descriptions kind of suck.] “Home,” she said to them quite rudely. Then she looked at their clothes. The boy was wearing a long white shirt and breeches. The girl was wearing a long dress with a few petticoats. I’ve seen picture of these kinds of clothes. People wore them back in the 800’s. [Yep, 800’s not 1800’s. Whatever world they’re from I guess ahead by a millenium.]

“What’s going on?” she heard a horse voice whisper. Gracie looked over and saw that Lauren had also woken up.

“Where are we?” Lauren struggled to sit up. When she finally managed to she looked up at the two children. “What the. . .” she said not bothering to finish her sentence. She was thinking along the same lines as Gracie.

“Do you think we traveled back in time?” Gracie said to Lauren.

“I don’t know.” Lauren sat there puzzled for a moment, then she spoke again. But this time to the children. “Hey kiddies, what year is it?”

“It ‘tis the year 1866 1667 1767 1899,” the girl said. “My name is Martha, and he is William. [Martha and William Goode, yeah?] What are your names?”

“My name’s Lauren and this is Gracie.” She stood up and looked around. “Where the hell are we?”

“It ‘tis England, m’lady,” William said.

“England,” Lauren repeated.

“This is strange. So strange.”

“I’m inclined to agree.

Chapter 3: “I want to go home”

The next few days went by like the breeze. They were having a blast. [Doing what?]

“Oh my god,” Gracie said.

“What’s wrong with you, Gracie?” Lauren asked.

“Its Holly Julie. I was supposed to be home by five o “clock” three days ago.” By this time Gracie was in a panic. [She sounds like a wonderful mother.]

“Fine, we’ll go back Gracie, everything’s going to be all right. We’ll go home an forget that this ever happened. Hell, mabey one day we’ll pass on the story to our grandchildren.”

“You don’t need to get sarcastic Laurie Lori,” Gracie took a few steps ahead of her.

“I really wish you wouldn’t do that. Really I do. It’s so annoying.” [Did I miss something?]

“Well, are you coming Lauren? I want to go home. Now!”

Chapter 4: “I’m never going to forgive you for this.”

When Gracie and Lauren made it back to the spot where they had come into this strange and primitive world.

“Well, where is it?” Gracie asked Lauren in a demanding tone.

“I don’t know,” Lauren put her right hand on the top of her head. “I could’ve sworn it was here.” [It would’ve been interesting to note if the gateway was around them when they woke up. Though you’d think the kids would’ve been staring at that rather than the girls in their “disighner jeans.”]

The two girls just stared into space for a while. Then the realization hit both of them like a ton of bricks. [Catfight!]

Gracie marched up to Lauren. “This is all your fault Lauren!”

“What do you mean? My fault. If it weren’t for your idea to go for a stupid walk this wouldn’t have happened!”

“Oh! Is that a fact! You’re the one who said this would be the adventure of a lifetime.” By this tim Gracie was right up in Lauren’s face. “You’re the one who found it, who said we should go into it, who talked me into it. Now, we’re probably going to be stuck here for the rest of our fucking lives, and I’ll never see Holly Julie again! I’m never going to forgive you for this, Lauren! Never, ever, ever, ev--”

“But you followed me Gracie it’s your own damn fault. If you didn’t want to come, then you shouldn’t have come in the first place! I knew you didn’t want to come, but I didn’t twist your arm to get you to! Now, if you want to stay out here for the rest of your fucking life, that’s fine by me! But I’m leaving.” And with that Lauren took off.

I’m never going to forgive her for this, Gracie thought. Never!

* * * * *

End Part 1. Ooh! The two friends have crossed into a strange dimension and are now enemies. I wonder what will happen next!

Seriously. I don’t remember.

1 comment:

Kayla said...

I like how they just go in the gateway thing for no reason. They don't even think about it.