Showing posts with label off topic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label off topic. Show all posts

Sunday, April 4, 2010

For Sh!ts and Giggles

I've been getting caught up on Vampire Diaries. I read the books when I was a kid and liked them well enough but didn't like them much when I reread them last year but I absolutely love the show. The new sequel sucks, by the way. Don't waste your money. It was one of the worst books I've ever read, even surprassing Fear Street's Who Killed the Homecoming Queen?

But anyway, I'm on ep five and they showed us a glimpse of Vicki's license. Why is this funny? Because I live in Virginia and the license is WRONG!!! She's under 21 so her license would be vertical, not to mention the fact that they changed them completely as of last April and the under 21 license now is beige and has flowers on it. :p I'm a dork.



Friday, October 9, 2009

Horoscopes!

I read way too much when I was a kid. Obviously. And one trend I noticed in some of the books I read was a nifty plot device in which the main character finds something hidden in a bookcase. When I was eleven I decided to tackle the bookcase in the front hall. If there was something to be discovered by God I was going to find it! It could be some old love letter hidden between the pages of an old book, something perhaps my father had tucked away before he died. My mind was brimming with the possibilities. It took me a couple hours to empty it out entirely and flip through every book. But I actually did find something hidden behind the books on the back of a shelf. Something everyone in my house claimed to know nothing about. A single sheet that was typed up on a typewriter full of insulting horoscopes. But being as into astrology as I was back then, I was far from disappointed. They still amuse me.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or the CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for to little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples' problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfar and aren't worth shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Otheres think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are logical and hate disorder. This shitpicking is disgusting to your friends. You are cold and unemotional. You often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. Most Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon is a Sagittarian. You are not worth the time of day.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

OH. MY. GOD. Melrose Place!!!!!

*rabid fangirl squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Melrose Place was my absolute favorite show growing up. My obsession even worse than the one with Sweet Valley High. So this afternoon while looking for information on the upcoming Vampire Diaries show, I stumbled across the new Melrose Place. The set looks awesome and the pilot kick-ass!!

"In an elegant Spanish-style apartment complex in the trendy Melrose neighborhood of Los Angeles, the lives and relationships of a diverse group of 20-somethings intertwine to form a close-knit surrogate family. Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton, the original "Melrose Place")"

Though I'm stoked Sydney's on it (she was one of my favorite characters) she was killed at the end of the fifth season by a car on her wedding day. I can't help but wonder if they're even going to attempt to explain this. Let alone how she wound up with Melrose Place...

"is the landlady, still beautiful at 40, and a central figure in the lives of all her tenants, especially handsome and rebellious David Breck (Shaun Sipos, "Shark"). Sydney started an affair with David despite her turbulent history with his estranged father, Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro, the original "Melrose Place"). Both father and son learned through experience that Sydney was not above using blackmail to control people."

Wait wait wait! Sydney's having an affair with Michael's SON? The only child of Michael's I know of was his and Taylor's kid, whom I believe was named Michael Jr., who would be only 12 by now. So where did this other kid come from? A college affair perhaps? And Michael should know this lesson better than anyone, considering she blackmailed him into marrying her...

"Another tenant, high-powered publicist Ella Simms (Katie Cassidy, "Supernatural"), once considered Sydney her mentor, but their friendship was destroyed by betrayal, and Sydney threatened to evict Ella and ruin her career. Sydney also played a pivotal role in the career of Auggie Kirkpatrick (Colin Egglesfield, "All My Children"). After they met at an AA meeting, she became a supportive friend to Auggie and encouraged his dream to become a chef. He’s now a successful sous chef at the trendy restaurant Coal, but his relationship with Sydney has gone sour since she began drinking again."

Sydney never had a drinking problem in the series, but I can see how her past might cause her to develop one... I suppose...

"The other tenants include Lauren Yung (Stephanie Jacobsen, "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"), a medical student in desperate need of money to pay her student loans, and Jonah Miller (Michael Rady, "Swingtown"), an aspiring filmmaker who has just proposed to his live-in girlfriend Riley Richmond (Jessica Lucas, "Cloverfield"), a first-grade teacher. The newest tenant, wide-eyed 21-year-old Violet Foster (Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, "7th Heaven"), has just arrived in LA and is horrified to find a bloody body floating in the courtyard pool."

Get used to it, Violet.

"David is the leading suspect but, as the police are soon to discover, almost everyone living at Melrose Place had a reason to want the deceased out of the way.

An updated version of the popular 1990s series, MELROSE PLACE is from CBS Television Studios with executive producers Todd Slavkin & Darren Swimmer ("Smallville"). Oscar-winner Davis Guggenheim ("An Inconvenient Truth") is the director and executive producer of the pilot."

It sounds pretty good. I can't wait. I'm sure there will be more continuity errors to come and I'd be surprised if Heather Loclear didn't show up at some point, despite having faked her death and moved to a deserted island. (As romantic as that sounds it has to get old at some point.) With Michael and Sydney in tow, I'll be sure to watch it. ^_^

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Zombie Chicken. Sounds yummy.

I have received an award. And not just any award. A zombie chicken award. Awesome. I dedicate it to my mother, for allowing me the use of her computer and for buying me all those crappy Fear Street and Sweet Valley High books when I was a kid. :p


The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all...

I spread the love by awarding my five favorite whose pages I stalked at least once in the past:

30 is the New 13

Like Pike

Fear Street

The Sweet Valley Diaries

Shadyside Snark


I love you all!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Top 15 Fear Street Books

For a few years as a preteen I lived and breathed Fear Street. Not only did I spend every waking moment reading these books, but I dreamed about them. I would walk two miles to the bookstore every month to buy them as they came out. And I even created a fanfiction series called Any Way the Wind Blows based on Fear Street.

So what better way to celebrate my love of these books then to make a top ten list! Only I haven't read most of these in 10+ years so I'm working off vague recollections at best. And I couldn't narrow it down to just ten, either.

#15 The Best Friend
Because Honey got away with murder. (Until you read the crappy needless sequel to discover Bill didn't really die). And not only did she get away with it, she made Becca (Why do I keep trying to type Bella?) think she'd done it. Nobody in Fear Street gets away with murder except the Fears. And their descendants always pay for it in the end. Yay for Honey!

#14 Fear Park #1: The First Scream
Fear Park was probably the most gory, violent Fear Street epic ever. (And Robin was hot.) Who doesn't love the scene of a bunch of teenagers hacking each other to pieces with axes? Or was it hatchets?

#13 Lights Out
All I remember of this one is the scene of somebody dying in an art cabin somehow on a pottery wheel? I just remember the pottery wheel was on and it was spurting something on the protagonist and when she turned the light on she saw it was blood. Awesome.

#12 The Fear Street Saga #3: The Burning
Yeah, the whole trilogy's on here. Family secrets, a feud, betrayal, murder, evil legacies, this trilogy was jam-packed with everything I love about fiction. The only thing missing was poison. Was there poison? The Burning was great because Simon goes from being the good guy at the end of the previous novel to embracing his inheritance of evil and trying to kill people to be with Angelica, a girl he fell in love with at first sight. But she was even more evil and together their evilness brought down their family. Julia being buried alive while Simon searched for her, hearing her cries through the ground, only finding her when it was too late and murdering his other daughter in a blind rage (literally) was truly haunting. God I love the Fears.

#11 Broken Hearts
More than anything what bothered me about this book was Rachel. She was brain damaged in. a horse riding accident. It's one thing for someone to be mentally handicapped from birth, but for someone who was "normal?" To know that every time you looked at this person you would remember the person she used to be. That terrified me that that could happen. I felt absolutely horrible for the mother of these girls.

#10 The Mind Reader
Ellie has visions of her best friend's sister being killed and it turns out it was their dad who did it. The whole time Ellie's describing what she's seeing her friend knows what she means and she doesn't want to admit she understands what really happened. It was pretty creepy.

#9 The Halloween Party
I don’t know if this one was particularly good but it was one I reread A LOT. I loved Justine whole plot of pretending to be a high school student in order to get revenge on the children of the people who accidentally killed her parents and how she set up the party.

#8 The Dead Lifeguard
If for no other reason I was completely positive that Mouse and Terry were in love with each other. And it made me wary of lifeguards.

#7 The Fear Street Saga #2: The Betrayal
The book that started the whole evil feud. I always wondered what Edward thought once he found out Susannah had been innocent and his father had sentenced her to die because Edward was in love with a poor girl. I always thought Mary was a complete moron. Jeremy essentially told her his mother died before he was born. Who doesn’t question that? I need to act this book out with Bratz dolls.

#6 Switched
When I was eleven I thought this was the best Fear Street book ever written. The ending truly took me by surprise in a way few Fear Street books did. And this was the inspiration for Jimmy Dearest. I think I copied some lines out of it word for word actually.

#5 Sunburn
There’s a summer camp involved, a girl almost gets eaten by a shark, their hostess turns up having been dead a week when they just saw her earlier in the day, and a girl who fakes her death by falling off a tree into a gorge (It‘s not a cliff, but close enough), this book is full of awesome! It was also where Andy Drexil from Dear Sister got her last name (though spelled differently), and where the character of Alison came from.

#4 Fear Street Sagas #3: Forbidden Secrets
Creepiest Fear Street book ever. Hands down. It’s about two sisters both in love with the same Fear (a male one). It’s told from an old lady’s point of view as she’s sitting at her sister’s grave, but you don’t know which girl she is until much later in the book. One of my absolute favorites. Tyler was a scary guy.

#3 The Fear Street Saga #2: The Secret
The image of Jonathan and Abigail playing in an abandoned village filled with nothing but rotting corpses stayed with me for a very long time. I think this is the creepiest of the three. For a few years I wanted a black cat I could name Simon Fear. Actually, I still want a cat to name Simon Fear.

#2 The Face
This one really was kind of scary. The whole being decapitated from a wire while skiing kind of haunted me. I still never want to go skiing. Martha drawing the face of a dead boy over and over again without being able to stop herself. All of her friends plotting against her. I did not want to be Martha in this one. I think this was the best written one.

#1 The Fear Street Cheerleaders: The Third Evil
What else? The very first Fear Street book I ever read that inspired an obsession in me only rivaled by Gundam Wing. I dreamed about this book, I acted it out with my friends. I memorized all the cheers and performed them. I told my teacher my name was Corky when I was in seventh grade. And it sparked my fixation on people falling off of cliff’s, which appeared in nearly all of my early stories at some point. I read and reread the Cheerleaders series till my original books fell apart. Corky still remains one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I'm done I'm done I'm done!

I'm done with chapter eight! I'm done with chapter eight! *dances*


Now on to chapter nine...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cool Meme Thing

Stolen from Steph.

Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
"Michelle Needs Your Help" Hahahahah! This is funny to me.
"How to say Michelle needs to go poop in different languages..." Umm....okay...

Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
"Bill O' thinks Michelle looks like an "Angy Woman"" Bill O' is not far off.
"Shocked Michelle - Looks like Mona Lisa smells like Tuna Fish" My new perfume, Ode de Tuna.

Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
"Michelle says so" So you better listen.
"Michelle says Barack is a nerd!" So am I. Who am I to judge?

Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
"Michelle wants to play horsey." Well why not? It's fun.

Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
"Michelle does Tribal - Creeky Girls Productions." Do I receive royalties for this?

Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
"Michelle hates Canada" Hate's a strong word. I have no problem with Canada, though I do enjoy the song "Blame Canada."

Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
"Do you think Michelle asks Barack where he was born when they're cuddling in bed?" Ummm...when did that happen, and was I sober?

Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
"Michelle likes pie." Not really. I prefer cake, actually. Cheesecake.

Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search. (Uh-oh, this won't be pretty...)
"Michelle eats a vieanetta with a ladel." What the hell is vieanetta?

Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
"Michelle wears a shirt that confuses many." Awesome! I love shirts that scramble the brains of the simpleminded. Mwahahahaha!

Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
"Michelle Allen arrested for Public Intoxication Wearing A Cow Suit." A case of mistaken identity, but I kind of want to hear the story behind this one.

Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.
"Michelle loves cock."
"Michelle loves teh penis."
Well, I guess now everyone knows what I like.

In Other News....

I was planning on participating the VC Andrews movement thing this year.


I was reading through the copy of Flowers in the Attic that I have at my house last night, which happens to be a UK copy I recently got my hands on and I noticed something a little odd. Now I first read FitA when I was 12 years old and have read it no less than fifteen times, so I'm pretty familiar with the material. It starts the same as the US version but goes immediately from Cathy's initial description of her father to his doomed 36th birthday party. I was like "Wait a minute... Where's Corinne being pregnant with the twins and telling Cathy he would always love her extra special?" It was edited out! What else was edited out, I wonder. So I will be reading both version simultaneously and reporting any differences I discover.