Amanda and I took this to another level. We glued our body parts together on notebook paper and cut them out and glued them to this weird blue Styrofoam we found in the garage. (We had a crap load of this stuff and I never knew where it came from. But things often appeared and disappeared in the garage of the magical house on Christian Circle, like the front tire to my bike… I still think we had gnomes living among us.) We cut the Styrofoam around the shape of their bodies, gave them all names, and used them as dolls. And this play is based on those dolls. Sadly, the dolls are long gone…
Scene 1 (walking to school)
D.J.: Today’s our first Day of school here.
Diedre: I know.
D.J.: I’m so nervous.
Diedre: Why?
D.J.: I don’t know. I just get the feeling that we are definitely not going to fit in here. I mean this is sunny California. We’re New York girls. [Note: Sweet Valley influence. Every young adult series should take place in California. *nods*]
Diedre: It’s going to be so weird here.
D.J.: Well at least now mom will give us some space and let us live our own lives.
Diedre: Well, we’re here. Ready.
D.J.: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Diedre: Good. Lets go.
Scene 2 (at receptionists desk)
D.J.: We’re here to get our new schedules.
Receptionist: Diedre and Dana-Jane Johnson, right
D.J.: D.J. please.
Receptionist: OK, D.J. Here are your schedules.
Diedre: Thank you.
D.J.: She’s shy.
Receptionist: Have a good day.
(they walk away and bump into April Mulch)
April: Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you. New here?
D.J.: Yeah.
Diedre: I’m going to class now.
April: Whose that?
D.J.: That’s my older sister Diedre.
April: My name is April Mulch.
D.J.: Nice to meet you April.
April: Pleasure.
D.J.: My name’s D.J. Johnson.
April: what class do you have next?
(she looks at her schedule)
D.J.: Science.
April: So do I. Right now we’re working on a project. I don’t have a partner, so you can be mine. [How convenient…] Do you know anyone around here.
D.J.: No.
April: I can introduce you to my friends.
D.J.: That’s nice.
April: Come on.
(they go to science class)
April: D.J., this is Mrs. Deroyer. [Like Destroyer, only minus the S and T. Get it? You get it!]
Deroyer: Hi. You must be Dana-Jane Johnson. [And yes, Mrs. Deroyer did have a doll. She was really ugly, too, if memory serves correct.]
D.J.: D.J.
Deroyer: Whatever. Take a seat next to Courtney.
April: Mrs. Deroyer, you can’t make her sit there.
Deroyer: And why not?
April: That’s Courtney Bloome. The Courtney Bloome.
Deroyer: Have a Seat Ms. Mulch. You too Ms. Johnson.
(they have a seat)
Deroyer: All right I’m going to call role now, Alex. [Only so I could have the chance to write down all the characters names.]
Alex: Here.
Deroyer: Dana.
Dana: Here.
Deroyer: Courtney.
Courtney: Do we have to do this every stupid day of our mortal lives.
Deroyer: Courtney, hush.
Courtney: Hymph.
Deroyer: Sarah.
Sarah: Here.
Deroyer: Courtney, why can’t you behave more like your sister.
Courtney: Frankly because I’m not my sister. I’m sixteen years old. I think I can live my own life.
Sarah: Courtney, I’m sixteen too. [Obviously, they’re twins. And so you know, they were blond…]
Courtney: Yeah, whatever.
Deroyer: Can we move on pleas. Travis.
Travis: Here.
Deroyer: Emily.
Emily: Here.
Deroyer: Mark.
Mark: Here.
Deroyer: April.
April: Here.
Deroyer: Donahue. [Who names their kid Donahue?]
Donahue: Here.
Deroyer: James.
James: Here.
Deroyer: Andy.
Andy: Here.
Deroyer: Katherine.
Katherine: Here.
Deroyer: Vinney.
Vinney: Here.
Deroyer: Todd. [Are you surprised? I’m not.]
Todd: Here.
Deroyer: Eric.
Eric: Here.
Deroyer: Vera.
Vera: Here.
Deroyer: Andrew.
Andrew: Here.
Deroyer: Liza.
Lizzy: Here. [Liza or Lizzy? No one knows.]
Deroyer: Glenda.
Glenda: Here.
Deroyer: And class we have a knew student with us today. D.J. Johnson. Everyone, say hi.
Class: Hi D.J.
D.J.: Hi.
Deroyer: D.J., why don’t you come up here and tell us a little about yourself. [Because nothing makes you feel more at ease than standing in a room full of strangers and thinking of a way to make yourself sound cool.]
(she gets up and goes to the front of the class)
D.J.: Well there isn’t that much to tell. I’m from New York.
Someone: Oooooo. New York! [I went through the role call for the entire class and couldn’t be bothered to pick a name for this douche bag?]
D.J.: Yeah New York. My parents are divorce. I live with my mom. I have a sister named Diedre. She’s a sienior. And that’s about it.
(she goes to take a seat)
Deroyer: OK. Kids. Get to your science progects.
(April raises her hand)
Deroyer: Yes April.
April: D.J.”s gonna be in my group.
Deroyer: That’s nice. Get to work. [Isn’t she a caring teacher. I think she was modeled off of Mrs. Cranberry. More on her later, as I don’t think she actually appears in any written stories.]
(April stands up and goes over to D.J.’s desk.)
D.J.: What are we working on
April: Making a game having to deal with the biomes. The tundra, tiaga, temperete diciduos forest, Grassland, tropical rain forest, and desert. You familiar with them. [Gee, I wonder what I was working on in school at the time…]
D.J.: Yeah I’m familiar with them. What are the basic things I need to know around here? [Fuck the project. What’s the social latter looking like?]
April: Stay away from Courtney.
D.J.: That Courtney.
April: Yeah Courtney Bloome. She’s a troublemaker. Wherever she can find it. See that girl over that.
D.J.: Yeah.
April: That’s here fraternal twin Sarah. She’s pretty nice. The complete opposite of Courtney. Courtney’s party is Emily Griffith. Stay away from here too.
D.J.: Why?
April: That’s Courtney’s best friend. Right now She’s going out with my brother Johnathan.
D.J.: Yikes. [Anyone else remember those pencils? They were awesome.]
April: Tell me about it. It has got to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. [There will be worse, April, promise.]
D.J.: How does your mom treat you. [Is that any of your effing business?]
April: Ok, I guess. Why?
D.J.: My mom is so overprotective. Especially with me.
April: That oughta suck.
D.J.: I hate it.
April: Tell me about New York.
D.J.: It’s just Basically any normal New England Town. [Balls!] It just has a lot more pollution, Acid rain, crime, and other stuff like that. [Sure we’re not talking about L.A.?] I mean I’ve lived in Albany, Manhatten, Brooklyn, Long Island, and New York City.
April: Whoa, you lived all over New York.
D.J. Yep. I have. How about you?
April: Well my brother was born in Omaha Nerbraska, and I was born in Keansburg New Jersey. I only lived there till I was five, then I moved here. [I’m wondering what brought them from Nebraska to Keansburg of all places. Drug trafficking, maybe?]
D.J.: I am so glad that it is May, and I wont be here that long untill next year.
April: Why did you move so late in the year anyways?
D.J.: I don’t know, my moms an idiot.
April: Mabey she should meet my mom. She’s an idiot too. What’s your next class. No, let me guess. Math.
D.J.: How did you know?
April: That’s my next class too.
D.J.: I guess we’re destined to be friends. [blech]
April: Yeah. Hey listen. Mr. Ace is the Math teacher, and he always gives a lot of homework that you can barely understand. [Sounds like my Algebra 2/Trig teacher.] So why don’t you come over my house tonight and I’ll help you.
D.J.: Sure. But I have to tell my mom where I’m going or she’ll have a cow.
April: Moms are that way.
D.J.: I wish mine wasn’t. She sucks. I hate her so much some times.
April: You don’t mean that.
D.J.: Your right, I don’t.
(the bell rings)
Deroyer: All right class I’ll see you tomorrow.
April: What’s your locker number.
D.J.: 448.
April: I have 434.
D.J.: Great.
Someone: Hey April
(They turned around)
April: Hi Emily.
Emily: Whose your little friend, April?
April: D.J.
D.J.: Hi.
Emily: Hi. Listen, April, I just happen to like your brother. And he just happens to like Me. [That kinda came out of nowhere…]
April: Emily, go away.
(Nancy walks up)
Nancy: Hi April, hi Emily.
Emily: Go to hell Nancy. [What?]
(Emily walks off)
Nancy: Emily has such a temper sometimes. And no one even does anything to her.
April: That’s for damn sure..
Nancy: Well I have to go. I have to meat my friend Sydney. Bye.
D.J.: She’s nice. [She just completely ignored you!]
April: It’s still just too hard to believe that that’s Emily Griffith’s sister. There’s not even a slight family resemblance in their looks. [I think one of the dolls was white, and the other was Hispanic…]
D.J.: Your right.
April: I know I’m right. I’m always right. [Maybe this is why she didn’t have a partner.]
D.J.: Hmmmm.
Scene 3 (In math class)
Mr. Ace: Dana-Jane Johnson, right? [No, Mr. Ace did not have a doll, but I realized I needed more than one teacher.]
D.J.: D.J.
Mr. Ace: Yes, very well. Take a seat right over there next to Sarah.
D.J. Ok.
(She walks over to the desk.)
Sarah: Hi, I’m Sarah Bloome.
D.J.: Hi.
Sarah: Your D.J. right.
D.J.: Yeah.
Sarah: How was life in New Hork?
D.J.: It was Ok.
Sarah: Was it boring?
D.J.: Sometimes.
Sarah: Except for my sister Courtney, I have absolutely no life.
D.J.: Courtney’s your sister. [April fricken told you that!]
Sarah: Unfortunatly. She is such a little witch. I hate her so much sometimes. [Gee these people have such pent up aggression towards their family members. Makes you wonder if the author was trying to say something…]
D.J.: I haven’t met her yet.
Sarah: You’d hate her. You seem like a nice girl, and believe me Courtney’s a witch. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
D.J.: One. My sister Diedre. She’s a senior. Do you have any besides Courtney.
Sarah: Yeah, my brother whose at College. [With a capital “C”]
D.J.: I don’t have any brothers.
Sarah: Lucky.
D.J.: Yeah I guess I am.
Scene 4 (lunch)
(D.J. is looking for Diedre in Cafeteria)
D.J.: There you are I’ve been looking all over for you.
Diedre: How was your day so far.
D.J.: Pretty good. I’ve made two friends, and I can tell all my teachers hate me except Mr. Ace.
Diedre: Who are your friends.
D.J.: That girl we ran into in the hall. Her name is April Mulch, and my other friend is Sarah Bloom.
Diedre: That’s nice, I have two knew friends too. Their names are Nancy Griffith and Sydney Markus.
D.J.: That’s nice.
(April approaches the table)
April: Hi again
D.J.: April, sit down.
April: Ok.
Diedre: Hi, I’m Diedre Johnson. [The weird girl who just kind of ditched you guys in the hall.]
April: April Mulch. Pleasure to meet you. Again.
Diedre: Yeah, whatever.
D.J.: Whose that guy over there.
April: That’s my brothe Johnathan. Hey Johny boy, get over here.
(He walks over) [Because he‘s so not embarrassed by being called “Johny Boy“ in the middle of a crowded high school lunch room]
Johnathan: Hey Ape. [Niiiiiice]
April: April!
Johnathan: Whatever. Anyway, why’d you call me over? I was having a good time.
April: How can anyone have a good time with Emily Griffith.
Johny: Shut up April.
April: Make me.
John: I said shut up. [Oh to be a fly on the wall in their house…]
April: I said shut up. Well anyway. This is my friend D.J., and this is her sister Diedre.
John: Correct me if I’m wrong, but your in my third period physics class. [John so needs to be shot for using that line.]
Diedre: Yep.
John: See ya at home April
April: Bye, Johnny Boy.
(then he walks off)
April: What the hell does he see in Emily?
D.J.: I don’t know.
Diedre: Neither do I.
D.J.: April.
April: Yeah.
D.J.: You know Sarah Bloome.
April: Yeah. Who doesn’t?
D.J.: No, I mean, really know her. Like good friends.
April: Yeah, she’s one of my best friends.
D.J.: She’s Courtney’s sister. Is it safe to hang out around her and her crowd. [I feel like we’ve gone over this already.]
April: Yeah. She’s perfectly safe. The complete oposite of Courtney. I told you that before. [Nice to know it’s only D.J. who suffers from short term memory loss.]
D.J.: Yeah. I know. I was just double check. I mean, Courtey doesn’t really seem that bad. But from what you have told me she is. [She told you nothing but she gets into trouble.]
April: That’s the understatement of the year. [Me and Amanda used this line A LOT]
D.J.: I guess, but then again, I am knew around here.
April: I know. Everybody Does.
Diedre: My guess is that there are a lot of gossips around here. [How observant.]
April: You bet.
Diedre: I thought so.
April: Well I gotta go. Bye.
(she leaves)
Diedre: Nice Girl. [It sounded like you were insulting her a minute ago.]
D.J.: Yeah. I know.
Scene 5 (Going home that afternoon)
D.J.: I’m home mom.
(Kimmy comes in the living room.
Kimmy: Hello D.J. How was your day at school.? [MS Works doesn’t recognize Kimmy as a word, FYI.]
D.J.: Ok.
Kimmy: Where’s Diedre?
D.J.: Doing her college aplication at school.
Kimmy: Good for her. So tell me how your day went.
D.J.: I have made two knew friends. They’re in most of my classes. And they’re really nice.
Kimmy: That’s good.
D.J.: Yeah, well I’m going over April’s house.
Kimmy: Whose April? [D.J.’s April!]
D.J.: My friend. April Mulch.
Kimmy: Be home before six.
D.J.: Mom! I am sixteen years old. A this isn’t New York. [I never had a curfew. I only knew of these things through books and my friends. Like I had one friend who when we were little had to “check in” with her parents by calling them every hour on the hour. I thought her parents were retarded, or maybe that they thought she was retarded.]
Kimmy: I said be home before six, you lady. And be home before six you will. Or you are grounded.
D.J.: But.
Kimmy: No buts about it.
(Then she leaves the room)
D.J.: I hate her sometimes.
(the doorbell rings)
D.J.: Coming!
(She opened the door)
D.J.: Hi April.
April: Hi D.J.
D.J.: come on in. I have to be home by six.
April: Why?
D.J.: Because of my stupid mother.
April: Well come on. We’ll deal with the harder stuff first.
D.J.: Ok. Mom, I’m leaving now!
Kimmy: Have a good time!
D.J.: I will.
(they leave)
April: Come on in.
(they walk in)
Johnny: HI April. Hi D.J.
Emily: Hi.
Courtney: Pleasure.
April: Hi John, Emily, Courtney.
D.J.: Hi.
April: We’re going up now to do our homework. And when will mom and dad be home.
John: Monday would be my guess. [Where are they?]
April: Just another magic Monday. [Yeah. For years I totally thought the song Manic Monday was Magic Monday.]
John: See ya guys later.
(they go upstairs)
D.J.: Lucky you.
April: What do you mean?
D.J.: My mom still thinks I need a babysitter.
April: God, that is bad.
D.J.: Tell me about it. I hate her so much. I have to be home by six “o” clock, or she’ll ground me. I mean, I understand this in New York. But we’re not in New York anymore.
April: hmmmm.
D.J.: It sucks.
April: That’d be my guess.
D.J.: So what should we do first?
April: Math.
D.J.: Why?
April: Mr. Ace gives the hardest work out of the entire junior class.
D.J.: Great. And aparently he’s the only one of my teachers that likes me.
April: Poor you.
D.J.: I know. It’s horrible.
April: You know what.
D.J.: What?
April: You’re not alone.
D.J.: What do you mean?
April: I mean the teachers usually hate everyone of they’re students. [If you followed that sentence you’re a special kind of person like me. ^_-] It’s not common when they actually liked one. But in your case, I’d watch out. Mr. Ace is one weird teacher. [Oooh. Weird in a teacher-who-has-sex-with-his-students kind of way? This play just got interesting.]
D.J.: Tell me about it. I can’t wait until we get out of school next month.
April: Why exactly did you move so late in the year?
D.J.: My mom is stupid. We were supposed to move here this summer. But she moved us here as soon as she could.
April: That sucks.
D.J.: I know. Believe me I know.
Scene 6 (Downstairs)
Courtney: Your sister is such a stupid little--
Jon: Not all the time.
Emily: Since when do you defend April?
Courtney: And since when do you interupt me?
Jon: Sorry slut. [Burn!]
Courtney: Don’t call me a slut!
Emily: Shut up, you two!
Courtney & Jon: No!
Emily: Well, can you at least stop arguing. Please.
Jon: Fine.
Courtney: Whatever.
Emily: Let’s just act civilized and watch T.V.
Jon: Alright. It’s fine with me.
Courtney: Hmmm.
Yay! It’s over! That was kind of lame. About this time I decided to stop writing this happy school crap and write horror stories [Dear Sister and The Tie That Binds were only experiments], which led to The Epilogue that Never Was, Berkeley Manor, and Jimmy Dearest. I promise gory death.
1 comment:
Just another magic Monday! I have a friend who thought "Our Lips Are Sealed" was "Alex the Seal."
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